


Penthouse

by bench



Series: The Long Distance Comedy Tour [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-27
Updated: 2013-09-27
Packaged: 2017-12-27 19:41:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/982841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bench/pseuds/bench
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Dave get it on in an elevator. That's it. That's all there is to it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Penthouse

"Wowwwww, Dave, this place is so nice!"

You can see his face sort of twitching as he struggles not to smirk. Gog he's smug. ONE movie makes it big and he's king of the world. The gloating has been nigh unbearable.

On the other hand he put up with your overwhelming excitement the first time you sold out Stand Up NY (and every time after that too) so you are willing to be lenient.

And you haven't seen him in person for over a year with both of your careers taking off at more or less the same time, his in screenplay writing and film production and yours in standup. You Skype as often as you can and text nearly every day, but you are both absurd busy and really video is not at all the same as face to face. You missed him a lot more than you are willing to admit, even to yourself.

"No need to be a dick about it, assbutt! Ohhh, famous Dave Strider and his swanky high-rise penthouse, it is so kind of you to spend time with us lowly peons."

"That's the strider way, yo. Gotta coach the uncultured comedians in the high art of irony."

"Thanks, Dave. Always looking out for me."

"So you've seen the intimidating doorman and the marble-encrusted foyer, but you have yet to set your plebian eyes on the main event. I hope you are ready to have your mind blown like teenager getting his first blowjob."

You laugh obligingly and walk together to the end of the tastefully-decorated hallway where Dave punches a series of numbers into a keypad in the wall. The door slides open to reveal the fanciest elevator you've ever been in. The movie industry sure pays better than standup comedy, wow.

Dave smirks broadly at you, winks, and says, "it’s private." (You can’t actually see his wink through is shades, but you know him well enough to envision it.)

He actually has a private elevator. It's basically the pinnacle of rich douchebag laziness, but at the same time it is _so_ cool. It's like something out of a heist movie where the underdog hero overrides the controls to sneak into the villain's room and steal the crown jewels. Or something like that.

You briefly wonder if Dave would make a movie about that, and then almost immediately laugh out loud. As IF Dave would deign write something so straightforward and un-ironic. When he glances at you questioningly you wave him off. There are more important things to talk about. Think about.

Like the way his suit pants cling to his ass then fall away in crisp lines. The way the silk material moves to accentuate the catlike grace earned through years of strifing with his Bro. the way the suit coat outlines the strength in his shoulders and the trimness of his waist. You lick your lips. There aren't cameras in private elevators, are there?

Dave bows you in to the elevator in a gesture that is no doubt extremely ironic. You walk in with an answering bow and turn to face the hallway outside. Dave comes in to stand beside you and you both wait in silence for the doors to close. The elevator is ridiculously swanky given that probably two people use it regularly (Dave and whoever owns the other penthouse) with marble floors, floor to ceiling mirrors and a small table in the corner with flowers and a bowl of little mints. Why are the mints even there? They are only going to end up all over the floor, you just know it. Hopefully you don't kill the plant.

Even before you hear the sound of the doors thudding shut Dave has you shoved up against the elevator wall with his tongue in your mouth. It feels a bit rushed, but you are really not complaining since you finally get to throw aside his shades, grab handfuls of his ass, and pull him against you. You moan in unison into each other's mouths and you try to somehow pull him closer, as if you can maybe pull him straight through both your clothes. You have been hovering awkwardly at half hard pretty much since you met Dave at the airport almost two hours ago and you find yourself almost at full mast already. Dave has probably been in the same boat as you all day because you can already feel the length of him through your four layers and now that you've noticed you're even harder. Why did you even bother with lunch? You really, _really_ had better things to be doing.

The doors slide open almost silently at the top floor and neither of you really notice. They slide closed again leaving you in relative privacy. Hopefully the resident of the other penthouse suite doesn't want to go anywhere any time soon. Actually it would be best if he isn’t even home. Dave has taken to thrusting lightly against you and he can't seem to stop making these little gasping whiney noises. It is unbelievably sexy. The elevator idles at the top of the high-rise as you focus on exploring every inch of Dave's mouth with your tongue until he pushes himself back so that you can both catch your breath.

"John-"

You sacrifice one hand on his ass to grab his tie and pull his mouth back to yours but he quickly pulls his lower lip from between your teeth to continue talking.

"We are going-" you pull him back "-to have sex-" and again "-in this elevator."

You never thought for even one second that you _weren't_ going to have sex in the elevator. It was as inevitable as you pulling pranks or Dave filling his cupboards with jars of dead animals in formaldehyde. Facts of life if you will.

You are actually extremely up for some elevator sex since you are fairly sure you will actually die if he doesn't start taking off his clothes in the next thirty seconds and ten foot walk from the elevator to his condo might as well be a thousand miles with how desperate you are feeling. You decide to stave off your impending death by abandoning Dave's ass all together in favor of undoing his belt. At the contact Dave sort of sags and nearly falls to his knees which if you weren't feeling so desperately frantic would be an excellent development. But you wanted skin on skin like two hours ago so you quickly walk Dave backwards until he is the one pressed against the elevator wall, the length of your body propping him upright as your hands struggle with his fly. It's kind of difficult to access while you're basically supporting his weight with your hips.

Dave's hands are never still, fluttering frantically from your hair to your hips to your neck to your shoulders. Once he has his back against the mirrored wall he seems to be grounded enough to do more than return your kiss. He gets with your no-clothes agenda by un-tucking your shirt and running his hands over your bare back. This is much more distracting than you would really like to admit. It's just been so long since you could feel him feel you and the way he can't seem to get enough of your body makes you weak with lust.

You decide to make a tactical retreat from Dave's fly in favor of grabbing his slacks by the belt loops and forcefully grinding his erection against yours. This proves to be detrimental to the no-clothes agenda since you both groan loudly and proceed to repeat the action over and over until you are afraid that you're going to come in your pants like the two of you are 16 and having your first time again.

You missed him so much it hurts. Like your heart is going to burst. You want him to be yours all the time, but it's impossible. You have your careers that you love too much to leave behind. Maybe when you have really made a name for yourself and gone on tour a few times you can move your whole show to LA, but that's years from now. So he's yours for this weekend, and you're going to bust your ass (ha) and make sure he remembers that for weeks to come.

Fuck no, you can do better than a little dry humping in an elevator.

As much as you don't want to lose that amazing contact there are other priorities here. Dave has melted to the point that you're pretty sure he would just collapse to the floor if you moved your hips away from his. He always gets like this the first time you are together after a while. So overwhelmed by having you in person that he can't keep it together. It makes you rather weak at the knees as well.

You flip him around to face the elevator wall, pulling his fists from your hair in the process. His hands scrabble ineffectually against the mirrored wall for something to hold on to as you reach around him to undo his fly and yank his pants down to his knees. It's sort of difficult to get a good grip on his dick with him all pressed up against the wall like this, but let it never be said that you would give up so easily. You can't really move your hand around much at this angle, but you can rhythmically tighten and loosen your fist around him and rub your thumb over what you can reach and this is enough to make Dave whine and thrust back against you. He is hands down the loudest guy you've ever been with.

He is so hot, you're going to have a heart attack.

You were planning on just going for exchanged handjobs since you _are_ in a semi-public elevator, but that idea goes right out the window as Dave finally starts to include actual words in all his moaning and whining.

"John, oh my god John, John, John, John, ahhhhh, yes, please, fuck me John, please, please, please, fuck me, fuck me John please!"

And there is no way you can say "no" to that.

You push your own pants as far as you can with the fly still done up (just past your hips, good enough) and press up harder against Dave, your dick pressed between your thigh and his ass. He gasps and moans your name and scrabbles even more desperately against the mirror.

You purr into his ear "Is this how you want it, Dave? Right here in the elevator? You just can't wait, can you?"

"No, can’t wait, right here yes, yes, yes, yes, John hurry please!"

Fortunately Dave is to sex what a boy scout is to camping disasters: always prepared. "I know you have lube on you somewhere, where is it."

" _Yes_ inside jacket pocket, right side."

You pull him back from the wall enough that you can reach into his pocket for a condom and a sample-sized packet of lube ("yes, yes, yes, yes, yes").

In an act of astonishing foresight you put the condom on _before_ you prepare Dave. As eager as you are to get your fingers inside of him, having do delay getting your dick inside of him later would be about ten thousand times worse.

You grab Dave by the hips and pull him out from the wall and bend his back so that his face and hands are pressed against the mirror and his ass is conveniently sticking out. This seems like a great time to grab it again, so you do. Dave just has such a nice ass. You pull his cheeks apart slightly and rub lightly over his entrance ("John, stop aaah fucking around and put your fingers in me!"). You tear open the corner of the lube packet with your teeth and drizzle enough into your hand to coat your finger before gently pushing in.

Dave is so hot and tight and smooth and somehow you get even harder, even more eager to be with him.

You pump gently in and out of him and he is incredibly responsive, as always. He claws at the mirror while his breath steams up the glass ("Yes, John, more, please!").

You pull all the way out and slide back in with a second well-slicked finger. You scissor them gently until Dave begs for another. Three is enough and you are feeling tense with anticipation.

"Jesus fuck john I'm _ready_ put your- nnnnnh- dick in me right this second or so help me I will pee all over your- aaaaah- luggage!"

But you aren't quite ready yet. You press inside and curl your finders until you find Dave's prostate. He practically screams and it is only your other hand at his hip that keeps him upright. You continue to rub teasingly until he starts to tense up with orgasm and when you pull out before he can come he _does_ scream.

You volunteer a lot of your free time to Habitat for Humanity and it has made you goddamn ripped. This is a point of pride for you most of the time, but it’s times like this you're happiest about it. You smear the leftover lube onto your cock ("hurry, hurry, hurry!") before turning him back around to face you. Then you grab his waist and haul him up to wrap his legs around your hips. You get your hands under his ass to adjust the angle, and then pull him down onto you.

Dave throws his head back to crack against the mirror, pushing you back away from the wall. It takes all of your self-control to not either collapse at the knees or thrust into him hard and fast. The sensation of tight heat is incredible and you just want to bury yourself in him again and again until neither of you can remember your names.

You bite your lip hard as Dave adjusts, back straining in a tight arc with only his head against the elevator wall. Staying still is almost more than you can handle and when he finally tells you to "hurry up and fuck me John, I'm not a delicate goddamn flower!" it's probably the biggest relief of your life. He leans away from the wall to rest his head on your shoulder and you walk until his back is against the mirror and you can get some leverage. Bracing him between the wall and your body you pull out painfully slowly, gritting your teeth. Dave pants against your neck, his arms wrapped tightly around your shoulders.

Maybe it's a little cruel, but goddamn you love to tease so you continue to move as slowly as you can stand. But eventually neither of you can take it any more ("John, go, please!") and you shift your feet, brace one hand against the mirror behind Dave, and thrust in quickly and smoothly ("Yes, good, more, faster!"). He pulls away from your neck to capture your mouth with his own.

You gradually build up the pace until you are more breathing into each other's half-open mouths than kissing, but the closeness is amazing and all you want is to feel more of him, climb inside of him and make him yours. With his mouth otherwise occupied Dave can't speak, but that doesn't keep him from a monologue of moans and gasps and you can feel the vibrations of the sounds through his mouth. It's shockingly intimate.

Then Dave pulls away from you, arches his back, twists his hips.

You must hit up against his prostate with this new angle, because Dave _convulses_ and the two of you lurch sideways into the corner of the elevator right into the little table with the plant and mints. The pot shatters and the mints explode across the floor. This apparently startles Dave and he half jumps half falls the other way and you find yourselves tangled on the floor, your feet hooked awkwardly in the table legs and pieces of pot digging into your thigh.

Oh god why.

All you can think is how happy you are you didn't break your dick.

Dave hauls himself out from under you and stands to survey the damage.

"Ok, John. Buddy. Pal. Sexfriend." He pulls of his suit coat and folds it before dropping it on the ground. "I am not leaving this elevator until we have done the do." His dick is still mostly hard and it bobs around as he moves. The whole situation is so stupid and hilarious that it’s only your irritation at being interrupted that keeps you from bursting into hysterical laughter. "No little accident is going to get between my ass your dick." With his shoes still on and his pants around his ankles he has to shuffle in tiny steps to move around. Don't laugh don't laugh don’t laugh. "That shit is _not_ gonna fly this hot air balloon of bitch-tits fantastic awesome." He tugs off your jacket while you disentangle your legs from the table and kick the pottery shards into the corner. Dave folds your jacket and drops it as well before kneeling down in front of you, sweeping the scattered mints from beneath him, and pillowing his face on his arms. He has his knees cushioned on his folded jacket and has arranged yours so that it is conveniently located behind him.

Apparently you're doing this. You're making this happen. You shove your pants further down and pump your dick a few times. Things softened up a bit in all this excitement.

"Any day now would be great."

"Alright, calm your tits! I swear you are sooooo needy." And with that you position yourself behind Dave and thrust smoothly back inside. He reaches out for something to hold on to so that he can brace himself, sending mints clattering across the floor.

This position might be less close and intimate than face to face, but it is a lot easier to pound into Dave. He arches his back and you try to thrust upwards and you can tell every time you connect with his prostate by the way he sobs your name and shudders underneath you.

You can see his face reflected in the mirror and your eyes meet, the vivid red of his burning into yours ("John, John, John, so glad you're here, missed you so much"). You wonder if he can see into your soul though your eyes, see the longing and possessiveness there. See how much you want him like this all the time, how much you never want to leave again.

You keep up a punishing pace. You want all of him, you want him to remember being with you, you want him to want you as badly as you do him. Everything is hot and smooth and there is a ringing in your ears as you approach your finish. You lean over to press yourself against his back and wrap a hand around his dick.

You gasp harshly into his hear as you slide into him again and again while pumping your hand in rhythm.

"Dave… now."

He comes with a shout and you follow immediately as he clenches around you and spills onto the floor. You can't tell if you're blind from the force of your orgasm or if you are squeezing your eyes shut and for a long moment you are frozen as it pulses through you. Eventually you roll to the side, pulling him on top of you as you slide out and he moans your name.

You both just lay on the elevator floor and breathe.

You survey the damage. Dave's pre on the mirrored wall, broken table, shattered pot, crushed plant, dirt and mints everywhere, cum on the floor and a few drops of lube. Awesome. You decide that the best course of action at this point is to continue to lie on the floor with Dave and pretend the problem doesn't exist.

After a few minutes he reaches into his pants and pulls out his wallet and a sharpie. He pulls out all the cash he has, writes "sorry" on the topmost bill, and pins it under a larger pottery shard.

Then you both burst into laughter, rolling around on the floor with the force of your hilarity.

When you finally calm down enough to stand up, you use a wadded up tissue from your pocket to clean up the most incriminating evidence and put the knotted condom in your pocket while Dave shoves most of the mess into the corner.

"You know what we're going to do now, John?"

"Mmm?" You are too drained from both orgasm and laughter to form actual words at this point.

"We are going to defile every room of my shiny new penthouse and I'm going to make you scream my name until mister-next-door calls the condo association about a murder."

"... Fuck yes. But you'll be the one screaming."

"Nah, dude."

"Yeah, loser."

"Geek."

"Dweeb."

"... Let's start with the kitchen counter."

"Last one to the door takes it up the ass."

You lose on purpose.

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to get comments here or on [my tumblr](http://a-bench.tumblr.com). Thank you for reading!


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